Complexity of dating

Men and women are remarkable creatures, and in some respects, easily predictable. The one most important thing they want, trumping all other concerns, is proximity.

Or is it?

Generalisations are dangerous here. To suggest that persons are predictable or are seeking "only one thing" is to underestimate the complexity of modern dating.

From the anthropological or historical perspectives, courtship ought not to be difficult. After some initial tough competition, the male wins a female and their joining forms the basis of future progeny. Arranged marriages, marriages of convenience, inter-tribal relationships designed to seal a political connection (as with the Campbells and MacDonalds on the eve of the Glencoe Massacre) all suggest a time when the matter was out of the hands of the young man or woman.

On the basis of many of the greatest writings in the history of English literature, some claim that courtship should be natural, free and almost dreamlike, as fate guides two uplifted hearts together breathlessly. Others suggest that dating in contemporary society has become mechanistic and deterministic.

Example process

Here is an example process:

1. Locate a man or woman
2. Get within ten meters
3. Smile, make eye contact
4. Prepare for the consequences

This oversimplification might not result in dating, but only social contact.

For the purposes of this text, the term partner is applied to each of the two persons that are dating. If the two partners remain in courtship after the first meeting, then they enter a day-to-day phase. For some partners, this is a time to explain their love to each other while investigating how or why the other person loves them. That is, you investigate the mystery of why your partner loves you. Also, you be honest and explain how, when, where, and why you like your partner. This means talking about oneself, and not what one does. (FIXME is there a difference?)

Both persons should maintain their extraneous interests, such as friends, careers, et cetera, but should also enjoy themselves together. The maintenance of these other interests supplies new topics to discuss with a partner, but the ceasation of these activities can limit potential conversation topics, and appear needy and insecure. By making oneself available all the time, one removes the element of scarcity that is a component of attraction.

Where To Meet Women

To attract women takes exposure. Where ever you are, to get a woman to like you and to spend time with you will take time and work getting to know one another. That is why most places where people meet are where men and women frequent automatically because they don't have a choice. Women have no choice about going to work. The work place is the number one area where people meet often. Everyone has to work. Even the most beautiful women have to make a living somehow. They go to work and they have to talk to the people that are there. At work you will encounter women as you carry on with the tasks of the day. This brings us to the number one spot to meet women:

1. At Work

Statistics show that some 70 percent of married people got together at work. The key ingredients are time, getting to know each other and similar interests. Women search for men with similar talents to their own and none of the flaws in what is called compatibility. We all have flaws, but we try to limit those by meeting a person with different flaws of our own. When it comes to aptitudes and natural talents women look for men similar to themselves. This insured the dissolution of bad genes and concentration of good genes. At the same work place people tend to have similarities in their abilities, especially when is comes to the same lines of work. Combined with time and the opportunity to get to thoroughly know one another, the right people automatically click together. That is why it's so important to work at something you are good at and really enjoy.

2. Church

Church is supposed to be a spiritual place and not a dating service and yet it's a known fact that a lot of people meet and get married through church. The kind of church to join is one with similar background to yourself as well as your faith. The more similar people are the more chances there are for compatibility. Even in one denomination there are different locations. Join the one with people the most similar to yourself. The more you like the people there the more you will be eager to help out and as a result you will get noticed.

3. School

Studies show that people build special emotional bonds at an early age. The girls you have met in high school, especially near the age of sixteen usually will have a special memory of you. People were not meant to get married and have kids as late as they do it today's day and age. In the old times, girls used to get pregnant in their teens. Nature equipped girls with a special imprinting during those early ears. Keep in touch with a girl you knew in high school. She probably has deeper feelings for you than you knew.

4. Friends

Needless to say, every group has their own spots they like to hang out at. It's different for every group of friends, but the facts are that a lot of people meet through a friend or a friend of a friend. It could be a buddies ex or a friend of your ex girlfriends friend, whatever the case. Most people consider it immoral to date your friends ex girlfriends, but look at it this way, statistically most people end up doing it anyway. Just don't hit on your friends current girlfriend or somebody that he is currently dating. Chances are she is more interested in him, and in this case jeopardizing the relationship is more than it's worth.

The way to get access to your buddies girls is to be facilitating with you own female friends. This does two things. It makes you popular with the ladies because they want to meet guys just as much as we want them. Second, it gets your buddy to be less possessive. When he's involved with someone, she's not going to like him being jealous over someone else. This is when all of his female contacts become fair game.

5. Sports Teams

Gym memberships are increasing world wide. However, it's not in the gym or the wait room where couples tend to meet. Instead consider joining a team that gets together once or twice a week on a regular basis. Good sports are volleyball, soccer and frisbee. These are usually stand alone organizations you just have to find them. The idea is that team sports set the tone for interaction. Also, body smell such as from sweating during physical activity helps females determine genetic compatibility from pheromones and Androstenone smell. To recap, yes most successful marriages do start off in the work place or from the high school years. However, with the right ingredients of time, compatibility and interaction other places could be an opportunity for meeting women as well.

6. Grocery Stores

As with work, everyone has to go to the grocery store or supermarket. Again, this includes even the most beautiful women. One advantage of supermarkets is that single men and women, as well as single parents, must shop there. Also, visits to the supermarket are likely to be very frequent, as frequent as for example going to church services. It is thus possible to meet and get to know men or women by regularly visiting your local supermarket. In the UK, Sainsbury's stores are particularly good for meeting potential partners.

So can you meet a woman just about anywhere? Successful pickups have happened at bars, clubs, coffee shops, mall, elevator you name it. It's not a question of getting a date. To find the right woman takes time with her and getting to know her. Meanwhile, all those other places are great practice.


farhan said...

i like your blog. Body language queues are well defined.
Can you also point to the source.

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Anonymous said...

Very nice points, I think that at work is one of the most common places to meet someone, also at concerts or sports events, I think that when the eye contact is set, you are good to go.

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